TOP TEN GREATEST DRUMMERS

Ok, thanks to my friend Lisa and her post about the latest Van Halen concert she went to and a list of her Top Ten Guitarists, a conversation/debate on said list of guitarists caused Lisa to ask me "and when will I see your top ten Drummers list?"

That sounded like a hell of an idea for a post, so Lisa... here it is. (Oh, and by the way... Lisa's blog can be found at: http://lisamaconfamily.blogspot.com/. Check it out.)

Now... the main thing I had to think about was this: Do I stick to ROCK drummers or try and go out and out for drummers PERIOD?

This was hard. Lisa's guitarist list was limited to guitar players that SHE has personally heard (which is why B.B. King was on MY list, but not HERS, since she had never really listened to King play).

That made sense, so I'm going to follow the same critera, although I will add one other faction: how much of am influence on me a particular drummer had (being that I've been a drummer for the last thirty-two years). If you disagree with my choices and feel I left someone out, it COULD BE because a drummer you'd put on the list is someone I haven't really heard a lot.

I'm thirty-seven and started playing the drums back when I was five. No, I wasn't just mindlessly banging sticks over my head or what-not. I honestly can say I played the drums back when I was five. True Story: My Dad was a one-hit wonder back in the 60s with a band called THE SAND PEPPLES (not to be confused with the R & B trio with the same name). Don't ask me what the song was, I have no idea. It didn't go very high on the top 100 and got them just enough fame to get regular gigs in Manhattan and New Jersey night clubs in the late 60s/very-early 70s. In any case, my father had a drum set set up in our attic along with his trumpet, trombone and other music stuff. My sister and I were constantly told "DO NOT TOUCH MY INSTRUMENTS." The attic was OFF LIMITS and WOE to those of use who disobayed.

The following is a story my father used to delight in telling. I, myself, have VERY LITTLE MEMORY of it. Anyway, at five years old, I was constantly dying to get my hands on that drum set and bang around. One particular spring day, my father was out washing the car in the drive way. For one reason or another, I thought it was the perfect oppertunity to get into the attic and play the drums. You see, at five years old I just did not grasp the concept that SOUND TRAVELS. Dad was outside, and I (and the drum set) was inside, THUS he wouldn't know. Right? Wrong.

So I crept up the stairs, pushed open the door. Sat at the drum set, picked up the sticks and started gleefully banging away.

It didn't take very long for my father to realize someone was inside and touching his precious musical instruments. He threw down the hose and stormed inside. My older sister Anne-Marie, who was most likely heading for the front door to rat me out and score some points with the old man, was standing in the kitchen. That meant my father knew it was me upstairs in direct violation of NESTOR HOUSE RULE #1 ("Thou shalt not touch thine musical instruments upon pain of death and spankings galore").

My father rushed up the stairs, most likely flexing his hands in preperation of a master spanking when halfway up he realized something.

I was keeping a perfect 4/4 time.

He stopped at the top of the stairs (I had no idea he was there because, in accordance of my blantant misunderstanding of the rules of sound, I couldn't hear his stair pounding above the banging of the drums). He stood there and listened. I kept keeping perfect time. I tossed in drum rolls and cymbal crashes and other fills... yet my timing didn't falter.

My father suddenly realized. I had learned to play just by watching him. He had a 5-year old drum-prodigy on his hands.

He slowly opened the door. Who knows how long it took me to relaize he was there. I stopped and froze. I was nailed and my five year old mind was most likely racing to come up with a possible way to blame the entire thing on my sister.

"From now on..." my father said to me. "You are allowed to come up here and play as often as you like." He then closed the door and went back downstairs.

That Christmas, I got my very own Drum Set. I've been playing ever since pretty much.

ANYWAY, I thought my background was important so you can see I have a vested part in this list.

SO... without futher adeu...

1. STEWART COPELAND: Yeah.. like ANYONE is surprised by this. There's a few reasons why I LOVE THE POLICE so much... and Stewart is a huge one. He's crisp, clean and on the money every time. His focusing on cymbal/hi-hat/bass drum style is without a doubt the smoothest I've ever heard (with the number two drummer on my list being the only one to come close). His reggae, jazz, funk, rock and african styles all combine into an unmistakenable sound. He also has a"snap" style (rimshotting focus) that I love. People who I've never met and hear me play have said to me "Your style reminds me of Stewart Copeland." They're right. He's the largest influence on my style as a drummer. There's a reason Stewart is known as "the Rythymist". He's the BEST. EVER.

2. BILL BRUFORD: Bill was the original drummer for YES. Bill combines Jazz technique with rudimentary rock. His ability to take simple parts and rudiments and put them all together into complex pieces is amazing. Bill once said that he "never acquired a drum technique for the sake of acquiring it, but as a solution to a particular problem." and that if he ever heard something that he couldn't do, he would learn how to do it. Anyone questioning how high on this list he should be needs to sit and listen to the Yes album FRAGILE. Amazing stuff.

3. BUDDY RICH: Buddy is has often been called "The World's Greatest Drummer". His talent for rhythm was first noticed by his father (hey! Like me!), who realized thatBuddy was able to keep a steady beat with spoons as a toddler. He began playing drums in vaudeville when he was around two years old as "Traps the Drum Wonder". By the time Buddy was eleven years old he was performing as a bandleader. Buddy supposedly never had a single drum lesson, andhe claimed that any actual drum instruction "would only degrade his musical talent." He also never admitted to practicing, claiming to play the drums only during his live performances. In any case, Buddy was unreal. His speed and ability to do numberous complex rudiments AT THE SAME TIME was unheard of. You name the style... he mastered it.

4. TONY THOMPSON: First off, let's all bow our heads for a drummer that we lost WAY too early, since Tony passed away in 2003 of Kidney Cancer. Tony was in a number of bands (including R&B/dance/disco band CHIC) and did a BUSLOAD of session work on albums by the likes of Madonna (on her 1984 album "Like A Virgin"), Rod Stewart, Robert Palmer, Mick Jagger, and David Bowie (on the "Let's Dance" album and Tony toured with David through-out the "Serious Moonlight Tour" for Let's Dance). Tony was BEST known, however, as the drummer for POWER STATION who had some big hits in 1985 with "Get It On (Bang a Gong)" and "Some Like It Hot". Tony played in a style that combined Fuse, Funk and Rock. His heavy off-tempo tom-tom/snare/bass drum fills were fantastic.

5. NEIL PERT: Neil's work for RUSH is the stuff of legend. He's often been number one on many lists of the greatest drummers and that's fair since the guy is flat out incredible. His style is that of Hard Rock, meshed with Big Band and Jazz. His long and exteme live drum solos at RUSH shows in the mid 80s were stuff that set many a a young fan insane. Over the years, Neil has received a TON of awards for his performances and is highly regarded for his technical proficiency and stamina. Little fun bit of trivia: Neil actually writes most of the lyrics for RUSH's songs. Betcha didn't know that!

6. GINGER BAKER: Ok, here's the part where many of you say "Who?" but Ginger was a pioneer who was probablly the first drummer to use a double bass drum set up instead of a single kick. Ginger played with many groups but is best known as the drummer for CREAM and BLIND FAITH and is one of the greatest fusion drummers ever. He's known for using a variety of other percussion instruments and for his application of African rhythms to much of his drumming. Ginger also HATES being called a 'rock drummer." He prefers to be known as a Jazz drummer.

7. CARL PALMER: Carl, the drummer for EMERSON, LAKE AND PALMER and ASIA is one of the most respected and influential Rock drummers of all time. Carl is a master of drumming proficiency and unique showmanship. His live drum solos over the years have included his famous use of both gongs and tambourines, as well as his unique ability to extract himself from his t-shirt while playing complex double bass drum patterns.

8. & 9. JOHN BONHAM/KEITH MOON: These two made this list mainly because I cannot ignore the influence they both had upon the modern drummer. I'd be shocked if anyone didn't know who they are since John (LED ZEPPLIN) and KEITH (THE WHO) prett y much seem to bridge over generations. The reason I'm listing them together is that they share the unique contention of being two of the most revered and martyer'd drummers in history. These two were kicking down the barriers of restraint for years and turned the drums into lead intruments when they played. Very few drummers are as widely praised and beloved as these two are. Both passed in their prime and are considered the cream of the crop. Die-hard fans of each of them are prepared to fight to the death that their favorite is the best drummer ever. They'd be WRONG, but they are close to the top. :)

10. STEVE GADD: Steve is a lifetime session/studio drummer who has worked on a TON of albums with the likes of Paul McCartney, Paul Simon, Steely Dan, Al Jarreau, Joe Cocker, Eric Clapton, James Taylor, Jim Croce, The Manhattan Transfer, and many, many, MANY others. Steve is arguably the most recorded drummer in history, as he has been featured on over 600 plus albums. He is widely regarded for his incredible ability to play "in the pocket,"and to groove especially well with the music, and other instruments/musicians he is playing with. In the end, what pushed him onto this list above the Honorable Mentions was that he wrote and performed the incredible drum licks for the Paul Simon song "Fifty-Ways to Leave your Lover" which is one of the coolest drum rythyms EVER.

HONORABLE MENTION: Alan White (YES), Larry Mullen Jr. (U2), Matt Pelissier (MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE), Carmine Appice (VANILLA FUDGE), Steve Smith (JOURNEY), Max Weinberg (BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND THE E STREET BAND), Carter Beauford (DAVE MATTHEWS BAND), Mike Cosgrove (ALIEN ANT FARM), Bun E. Carlos (CHEAP TRICK).

So there you go. Ok, go ahead. Argue with me :)

STARTED UP A 'BRAND NEW DAY'

I've pretty much stayed away from many chances to comment on the whole Spider-Man ONE MORE DAY/BRAND NEW DAY controversy. However, after reading so much about it I decided to take a little stab at some of the issues I have with the direction Marvel (and mainly Joe Quesada) has decided to take the character in.

I promise this is NOT a mindless rant. There are no barbs, insults, nasty things or comments tossed at anyone. No quarter is taken with anyone in a not-nice manner. Really.

No... really. I swear.

So, one of the things I have heard (read) pounded in at everyone was that the main thing about the series direction is that (and I quote Tom Brevoort here, but I've heard Joe Q and other's say it also) "Spider-Man is about Peter Parker"

Ok, I'm 37, and was a big Spidey fan back in the 70s and 80s before his wedding to Mary-Jane, so it's not like an unmarried Peter is totally foreign to me.

In his "manifesto" in the back of SWING SHIFT: DIRECTORS CUT, Tom presents an arguement that Spider-Man is not the main character here, that Peter Parker is, and that being Spider-Man is just one aspect of the ongoing soap opera of his life. I recently read a well written post on http://www.comicboards.com/smb/ by a guy named JC (No other info on his name was available) that "Ultimate Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2 both get this mix right, with money worries, girl troubles and the pressures of Spidey intruding on Peter’s life." JC went on to say that he "absolutely agree(s) with Tom and think this is something which sets Peter Parker apart from Captain America, Iron Man, Superman, Batman and loads of other super-heroes. Peter is genuinely Peter Parker, with Spider-Man as a mask he puts on – both a release and a burden at the same time. Recent Spidey comics have neglected Peter Parker and his life, instead focusing on Spider-Man (joining the New Avengers and living in the Avengers tower was the most obvious example of this)."

I won't disagree that Peter Parker should be the "main identity" and Spider-Man should come second. However, I has to disagree with any notion that states that is what is happening here.

With the reversal of Peter's marriage Marvel is looking to return the status of Spider-Man to a 'younger" and "more accesable" version.

"Wait!" you say. "Spider-man isn't married anymore? He got divorced?"

No, he did not. Spider-man was never married now.

"Hold it!" you shout. "I saw the 'wedding' at Shea Stadium back in the 80s! I read the issue! He's been married for over twenty-years!"

Uh... well.. yeah, you're right... but...

"But WHAT?" You ask.

OK, side bar... Here's a quick summary for those of you not in the know:

Peter Parker revealed to the whole world that he was Spider-Man as part of his support of a new Super-Hero Registration Act passed by the U.S. Government. Peter later regretted it his support of this bill and decided to ally himself with the band of Super-Hero "rebels" who were against and fighting the Registration Act. Since the world now knew Peter was Spider-Man, one of his older Villains (The Kingpin) hired a hitman to assinate Peter (or anyone close to him if he couldn't get Peter himself). The hitman shot at Peter , but instead the rifle shot hit Peter's Aunt May. May was on life-support and her body could not handle the trauma on her body caused by the shot. Peter tried getting help from everyone he could think of, but had no luck. She was going to die no matter what Peter or anyone else did for her. So, along comes Satan. Yes, Satan. Why did the devil come a'callin? Why, not? So Satan (called Mephisto in the Marvel Universe) approachd Peter and Mary-Jane and told them that he would save May's life, if they would give up their marriage as if it never happened. Sound weird? Yeah to a lot of us too. Bizarrely though, in a four-part story titled ONE MORE DAY, they agree to the devil's terms and a good chunk of their lives are erased from memory, including their marriage, the entire world's knowledge of Spider-Man's secret ID (including even his friends) and his 'organic web-shooters' being gone and him going back to his old mechinical ones. No one will remember that Peter and Mary-Jane were ever married and other parts of their lives will not be remembered... as if it never happened. The change also brought back to life a previous dead character in Peter's best friend Harry Osborn, who died as the 2nd Green Goblin. Why? Who knows. The Devil works in mysterous ways. Oh wait... that's The Lord actually. Well... I don't know then. Don't look at me, it wasn't MY idea. In any case, are we caught up? Yeah? Good. Let's move on.

Peter is also removed from being a teacher (which is what he was doing before he gave up his secret ID to the world but that wouldn't have matter now that his ID WAS a secret again thanks to to the Devil's actions). It seems that as part of this 'revamp" Peter canned be married, or hold a regular job and is basically universally 25 years old.

He's also living in his Aunt's house again cause he has no money and no job. Thus starts BRAND NEW DAY, which is the introduction of the new Status quo for Spider-Man. This storyline is running through the only Spider-Man title left: Amazing Spider-Man which now is published three times a month and is the only ongoing Spider-Man title (if you don't count Ultimate Spider-Man but that's a whole different Universe) left.

So, back to the revelations about Spider-Man... the BIG one, remember is that (and again I quote): "Spider-Man is about Peter Parker."

The problem is this: Tom Brevoort, Joe Quesada, Marvel and just about everyone else completely contridicts themselves here.

Spider-Man is about Peter Parker right? Well, if so, then why does Peter's life basically have to shoe-horn into a very restricting status-quo?

So I'm supposed to believe that a guy could overcome just about every single adversary in his superhero career, including ones that he was so far over his head that he really had no business succeeding in, but he can't figure out how to keep a job?I'm suppossed to accept the fact that despite the fact that Military Personel, Policemen and Women, Firefighters, Public Figures such as politicians, professional athletes and movie/music/TV stars all are able to have and develop serious ongoing relationships that result in marriage, that Peter cannot?

I'm supposed to believe that the guy can't learn from his mistakes? Cause he's making the same ones he was making over and over again. Basically, what Joe Q (and Tom B to an extention) is saying is... Peter is a loser, even though Spider-Man wins most of his battles.

Now before anyone says "No one has said that!"... think about it...

What would you call a guy who cannot keep a job, never has any money, keeps making the same mistakes over and over again, and cannot take a relationship past a particular level? Most people would pretty much call that person a loser... which is pretty much what Joe Q has stated he feels Peter should be .

I have an issue with this. We're suppossed to be able to identify with Peter. He has money issues, and relationship woes, and job issues and all that. Well, hey... I have a full time job (and have never really had a problem holding onto one). I have a wife (and kids) and a great relationship. However, I have have money issues, and relationship woes and job issues.

The age thing? I have no problem with Peter being universally "25" (although I think 27 is a better age seeing how much he's supposed to have been through). The age issue isn't a big deal. However I get the feeling the ONLY reason to have him as 25 is to use the "I'm too young to get married!" excuse.

You can argue all you want that keeping Spider-Man young is the way to get young readers. However, I hate to break this to the powers that be, but most of the YOUNGER (ie: seven years old through say... sixteen years old) couldn't care LESS about Peter being 25 or 27 or 42... and they couldn't care LESS about him being single or holding a job or whatever. They read Spider-Man for the scenes of SPIDER-MAN. Hech, my oldest son, Patrick, is 13. His favorite comic book are Ultimate Spider-Man and Amazing Spider-Man. HE'S pissed that the marriage has been undone. Heck, as a thirteen year old, he's never known Spidey to NOT be married. He knows that even the progression of the (VERY popular and successful) movies makes sure that Peter and Mary Jane's relationship is just about he most important aspect of Peter.

Now most of the OLDER readers (ie: say Eighteen though... say.... Eighty-Five and beyond)... THEY care about Peter's personal life as much as Spider-Man's exploits. However, just how many of them want to see Peter taking that backwards step that he's taken... I don't know there are many.

Another thing I have heard is that the last twenty years of marriage and status quo should not be held onto just for the sake of keeping continuity. I get a kick out of every time I hear something like "continuity is less important than good stories". Everyone loves to kill continuity when they don't like the direction, but hell... without continuity (and new writers STICKING to previously based continuity) things become mash-mashed and hard to follow. Continuity is only as good as the editors and editorial mandates that protect it. Most of the time it's the LACK of good editing that leads to broken continuity and someone having to then go and "fix" problems that usually cause MORE problems than is fixed.

So, yeah it's obvious that I'm on the outs with the direction that Spider-Man has headed into. The road to get here was so "un-Spiderman like" that I still have issues accepting it. The entire thing reeks of Joe Q's insistance that HIS Spider-Man be the only Spider-Man out there, despite the fact we already HAD that Spider-Man in the Ultimate line. Yes, I'm jumping all over JoeQ for this, he has been very vocal over the years that he hated the fact Spider-Man was married. The funny thing is, that much of the things that were undone with this new Status quo is stuff that all happened upder Joe Q's watch! And his pointless and INCORRECT assertation that if we want to see a married Spider-Man we should be reading Spider-Girl would only make sense if Peter was the MAIN CHARACTER of that title... which he is NOT.

I'm giving BRAND NEW DAY a chance. I like Dan Slott as a writer. I like Steve McNiven's and Phil Jiminez's art a lot. I think the '3 times a month' format and the 'only one Spider-Man title' ideas are great. So far, I have not disliked the stories (Five issues have come out so far as of the writing of this blog)... but I will admit there are some big distractions with the 'Harry alive' situation and the reversal of everything I've known about Peter for the last twenty years.

I also wonder, has anyone (characters in the comics I mean) even realized that they suddenly don't know Spider-Man's secret ID but they once did? Wolverine, Norman Osborn and Daredevil just to name a few? How about the New Avengers? Spidey is on a team with them... they knew who he was.

The feel of these issues so far has been that of the older PETER PARKER: THE SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN issues from the early 1980s. The stories haven't been bad at all (and the art has been good) but things feel over done to me. They keep pushing the fact Peter has no money and the old "Parker luck" (ie: REALLY BAD LUCK) is referenced way too much. Plus, once again Aunt May has managed to get herself involved (unknowingly of course) with a Super villian. What a shock. It's a wonder she's survived all of these years.

Wait... maybe she hasn't. Maybe May has died a NUMBER of times.

Maybe the devil has done this before and we all just forgot it.

Oh God.

In the end though... don't tell me Spider-Man is ALL ABOUT Peter Parker if you are THEN going to tell me that Peter will NEVER CHANGE OR GROW. That means that Peter Parker is just an aspect of Spider-Man... like a web-shooter... that is there cause it's expected, but will not really hold any effect on the series, since we know he cannot become anything more than he already is.

WHAT I'M WATCHING

Since the writer's strike is just about done, I thought I'd take a quick look at what I have been (and will be) watching once everything is back to normal. In many cases I caught this stuff on DVD after the fact.

This is in no particular order... I'm just pretty much covering them as they occur to me. In the past I ahev HATED television. I watched one, maybe TWO shows a year (if that). These days? I'm a junkie. God I need help.

JERICHO: I had every intention of trying out this show last year but missed the first two episodes and I decided to wait. I'm only glad I wanted for one reason: watching this on DVD meant I didn't have to wait weeks to know what happened. What a great show. The writing and acting is top notch. Tonight is the season 2 premere and I now have the most prized possession we currently own: a DVR recorder. Last season ended on quite the cliffhanger. Just simple words defined the end of last season. Those words were "Nuts" and "NOW!". We have to see how Jake is going to handle becoming the main man here, although I suspect he'll have some detracters to deal with in the town.

LOST: Anyone who knows me knows that this sort of show is perfect for me. Mystery, a million questions, virial marketing, endless speculation, a tie to the occult, a secret organization... all stuff that fuels my twisted obession-filled nature. So far only two episodes into this season and this are hopping already. I like the direction things are going in and the flash forwards (although there weren't any in the 2nd episode) look to be quite effective. People want their answers but I'm still not pushing for everything to be revealed just yet. I'm enjoying the mystery.

DAMAGES: This looked mildly interesting to me when the promos for it came out, but I didn;t have the time to catch it while the first season was runnning. I recently came out on DVD and decided to check it out (thank GOD for Netflix). Well... this show just blew me away. Glen Close plays a lead character that sits right up there with Vic Mackey as a lead with... shall we say... 'flexable' morals who will do anything... ANYTHING... to achieve their means. Close plays Patti Hughes in a way that makes you think you understand her and even manage to root for her in ways when she shows she is human... but still managed to shock us all in the season finale. I also have neverseen a drama about a law firm where we never (NEVER) see the inside of a court room. This one is hard to classify. Just... check it out if you haven't done so. Powerful stuff and more twists and turns and hidden reveals than an M. Night Shyamalan flick. This show clinched one thing for me: F/X has the BEST shows on TV.

PRISON BREAK: I had finally caught up with Prison Break (a show I fell behind on with only a few episodes left in season 1) just as this season started. As improbable as the premise is, and as much as everyone around me tells me the acting is terrible I cannot get enough of this show. It's fun and crazy and just impossible to predict. The situations and the solutions are sometimes so preposterious that saying it's a stretch is being kind but I don't care. While this doesn't live up to the mystery of LOST, the acting of JERICHO or the power of DAMAGES, it's still a plain cool ride.

NIP/TUCK: Ok... this one is a bit of a cheat because I have only seen the first episode of this season. The rest are all saved on the DVR for when I have some time to catch up. This is always been a show I catch up to after the season is over and this season will be no exception. Like Prison Break, this show is just... well... UP THERE. It's crazy and soap opera-ish and at times you want to shout "Oh, C'mon!" at the screeen, but it's fun and mindless and is eye candy that also delivers some nice twists. The tale of these two best friends (who should have killed each other years ago in my opinion) and partners in a plastic surgery practice is impossible to look away from. Even as you are admiring the view, you're almost embrassed for the characters and the situations they find themselves in, but as with Prison Break.. I don't care.

GREY'S ANATOMY: Now this is the first of my two dirty little guilty pleasures. Even more soap-opera-ish than NIP/TUCK is, this show just screams "EMO!" and "DRAMA!" The fact that everyone in this hospital seems to sleep with someone else from the hospital is actually probablly more realistic than people think. The bad decisions in their personal lives being made on a daily basis by people who make the decisions and actions that save lives everyday is quite an ironic contrast. I was dragged into watching this show... kicking and screaming in fact... it was ALL my wife's fault. She watched it and I would catch a few minutes of it here and there and one night I saw some of the "Bomb" episode from season Two and DAMN I was curious in what happened. So Chrissy talked me into renting the first disk of season one on DVD and I hate to admit it but I was hooked. Oh who am I kidding? It's not her... it's ME! This is just a plain, out and out fun show that I cannot help but enjoy. God, I hate to admit that. And what the HELL is up with Meredith? McDreamy is the PERFECT man! Handsome, smart, funny, honorable, caring, in touch with his emotions... god DAMN I'm not into men and *I'D* marry him! SIGH. See? See what this show does? Argh.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES: The other dirty little guilty pleasure. This show is just... mindless. The situations are insane. The storylines are inane. The characters all need a good beating. But jeez... I'm hooked! I think I need to see a Doctor. Hey, do you think Dr. McDreamy sould tream ... errr... forget that.

24: Yeah, I know it's not going to come back until 2009 due to the strike (and it's a victim of it's own format as much as it is a victim of the strike) and I know last season just got... preposterous. But.. it's JACK FREAKING BAUER DAMMIT! God I have enjoyed this show from day one (heh... day... heh) and I'm not about to stop anytime soon. I thought I might lose interest then they killed just about EVERYONE but Jack and Chole a few seasons back... but I didn't. Fun stuff to the end and never... NEVER... discount the POWER OF JACK!

THE SHIELD: Vic Mackey. Is he a realistic character or an over-the-top twisted version? I think he's a bit of both. Vic is a guy who will do anything... ANYTHING... to protect his family and team... but he also has an actual set of morals to him. He's the perfect anti-hero who we cannot help but root for, but we also have to be reminded that he KILLED A FREAKING COP. I have to tell you... this show is as powerful and well acted as anything I have ever seen on TV. I actually missed the last three episodes of last season (and that was the final straw that lead me to get a DVR) so I have to catch up before next season (which is the final season for the show).

RESCUE ME: I'm an extire season behind (and WILL YOU GUYS HURRY UP WITH THE DVD ALREADY!) but this is another show that is brutal and honest and impossible to look away from. Denis Leary's Tommy is a guy that you want to kill one second and then slap on the back and buy a drink for the next. What this character has gone through on this show is rough... and you'd think it was too over the top to be realistic, but it's not. It always seems... right. As WRONG as it gets, it's still 'right'? Know what I mean?

HEROES: Hey, I'm a comic geek. Is ANYONE surprised I love this show? Yeah it stumbled a little with keeping Hiro in the past too long and the annoying Maya and Alejandro plot seemed like it was never going to end but this season finished with a solid BANG and the revelation that a certain someone has his powers back (along with the death of another certain someone) has setup next season quite nicely. Yeah, like 24 we won't see this until next fasll due to the high production on each episode would make it very hard to get more than like three or four episodes done before the summer, but I wouldn't mind a very short set-up to next year.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: Another show I am an entire season behind and waiting for the DVD of Season three has been KILLING ME. Jeez... the frigging DVD for RAZOR (the one shot movie for BG) came out a lousy TWO WEEKS after the movie was on the Sci Fi Network, but it took almost 19 months for the season 3 DVD to come out? In any case, this has been quite the show about how people react to being in a situation where all they do is run, fight and live in tin cans in space with a TON of parinoia. The Cylons aren't just bucket's of bolts here... they can look just like humans and no one knows for certain if the guy or gal next to them is actually an enemy. makes for some very interesting situations. I'm glad this season is about to start in March, but I have to scamble to see season 3 in time since it's being released only a few days before the season 4 premere. Nice.

JOURNEYMAN: God I love time travel. I'm facinated by it. And this show handled it very well. This was a cool show that played the QUANTUM LEAP card quite well, only the whole reasoning behind the main character as a time traveler was still unknown. It looks like this show got the axe, which sucks. Chrissy and I really enjoyed this one. Figures. Hopefully this can get a last second repreave, but I doubt it will.

THE BLACK DONNELLYS: Another show that I had to catch up on with DVD and another show that was excellent but was canned. This was pretty much a cross between STATE OF GRACE (the Sean Penn flick) , THE GODFATHER and THE SOPRANOS. Excellent acting and a fairly riveting storyline drove this show but I can tell you the two reasons it eventually failed. 1 - The title. I understand totally why they called it like they did, but the average person with no knowledge of Irish History would not. It's not really a name that grabs you. 2 - No 'name' actor. They needed someone... someone that the general public would say "wow! I know that guy! He was in that flick... or show... or whatever!" James Caan or Ed Harris would have been perfect. The final episode ended on quite a shocking note and you just know the dial was getting turned up in season 2 had there BEEN a season 2. What a shame. If you missed it, check it out on DVD.

So... what does every show I listed have in common? Think about it for a second.

Give up? NO SITCOMS.

I HATE sitcoms. I can stand to watch an episode of one once and while, but overall? I cannot get into them. The last 'SITCOM' I watched every episode of was POLICE SQUAD back in like 1983.

Which brings me to the comedy section of this. NONE of these are something I would consider a sitcom.

FAMILY GUY: Yeah, I don't really care about the cracks that this show is a formulaic mess. All I know is that I laugh every time I watch it. And over-used or not, Stewie is still hysterical.

SOUTH PARK: Matt Stone and Trey Parker are fearless. The show isn't always a gut-buster, but it's always relevant and funny enough that I come back for more.

ROBOT CHICKEN: Talking toys and fucked up sexual-ladden humor. What more can you ask for? Seth Green is a genius.

SOMETHING HAS FOUND US

Holy shit. It sure has.

(Writer's note: the following is fairly spoiler free until a certain point towards the end of this post. I'll warn you all beforehand at the proper spot when to stop reading if you haven't seen the movie and do not wish to be spoiled. I don't wish to ruin the experiance for anyone. Ok? ok.)

By now, unless you're sharing a cave in the middle east with Osama Bin Ladin (and maybe even then), you've heard of Cloverfield.

Being the obesssive little shit I am when something grabs my attention and won't let go, I've been fairly knee deep in the viral advertising for this flick for the last few months.

I saw the trailer, like everyone else, when Chrissy (my wife and best friend for you new comers) and I took our kids to see TRANSFORMERS (it in itself was a decent flick that was actually better than I expected it to be, although I didn't love it. It was ok.).

Anyway, the trailer ran on the screen without a title and I was immediately struck by two things.

1- It seemed to be a much larger and ambitious "home video"/Blair Witch type flick. I fucking LOVE this type of film. The Blair Witch Project, The Last Broadcast, Interview with the Assassin, Cannibal Holocaust, Series 7... the idea of a 'fake' documentry or an 'event' caught on a video camera is a cool idea and not used as often as people seem to think.

2 - What we saw was nothing short of... well... FUCKING AWESOME LOOKING.

Wow. I'm using 'fuck' a lot so far. You'd think all of these years of writing and college and what not would lead me to use a less 'colorful' pronoun. Then again, sometimes there is no better word to use to get a point across that carries the neccessary weight.

Ah well. Fuck it (see?).

So... we see the trailer... I loved it, Chrissy liked it.. hell even Pat (my oldest who has recently turned 13... Jesus... I have a teenager... someone help me) thought it looked "cool".

Since there was no title on the trailer, I wound up looking up "Un-named J.J Abrams project" online and found a few things about it. Sites like "Project Cloverfield", "CloverfieldNews", "CloverfieldClues", Aint It Cool News, Dark Horizions and Newsarama all had something.

Then I discovered http://www.1-18-08.com/.

It seemed to be connected to the movie. All it had was two pictures on it. One of a close up of two women staring up at something that obviously is shocking them. The other of a party and someone drinking.

Over the next week or so, a third, then a fourth picture would find it's way onto the webite. Then, I discovered you could actually move and even "flip" the pictures. Two of them wound up having writing on the back.

Rumors of the movies titles came and went. Monsterous was one. Furious was another (both turned out to just be words on different verisons of the movie posters). Cloverfield, Overnight, Parasite, Chocolate Outrage (don't ask) and even Terrifying were all rumored to be the title. Of course, in the end it was Cloverfield (which by the way has NO hidden meaning... it's the name of the street leading up to Abrams offices and one that he just liked the sound of. The U.S. Government uses the term 'Cloverfield' as the name of the mission in the film from what I understand.)

A very cool movie poster eventually came to be outed. Take a look:

So, with all of this vague information, things slowed down a little. After that, my buddy Tom discovered (and told me about) http://www.slusho.jp/

Now viral marketing is not a new thing to a J.J. Abrams connected project. As a LOST fan, I have played with and seen many of the websites and items attached to LOST (The Hanso Corperation website, etc) , although I never got halfway as far as Tom did. The Slusho website was bizarre and it held some possible clues. Slusho is a frozen drink (pretty much like a Slurpee, Icee or Squishee) from Japan (which, from the trailer for the film, I knew was where "Rob" was going for his new job)

That website eventually led to http://tagruato.jp/, which is the company that owns and produces Slusho. They also own and operate a number of oil rigs in the oceans and had recently launched a satellite into space.

That led me to seeing that the site was 'hacked' by a 'greenpeace' type group called TIDOO (Tagruato Is Destroying Our Oceans) who wound up with their own website (http://www.tidowave.com/) and trying to expose things about Tagruato's secret ajenda including the fact that one of their oil rigs (The Chaui Station, which is the one closest ot New York by the way) is not really there for oil.

Eventually, another viral website was discovered called http://www.jamieandteddy.com/ which is a 'personal' site created by a girl named Jamie so she can send personal videos to her boyfriend Teddy who is away 'fighting for the cause' and 'saving the world'. Well, the 'Jamie' on here is one of the party goers depicted at the beginning of the trailer. Her boyfriend is onvolved with TIDO and is on a 'mission' to expose Tagruato. If you can figure out the password (I couldn't, but I got the password from one of the fan sites... it was http://www.cloverfieldnews.com/ actually) that was 'jllovesth' you could download and view a number of messages that Jamie recorded and left for Teddy. The tie in to the flick gets to be more obvious in the later videos. Jamie herself is in the movie, only briefly, but she is in it.

Curiouser and curiouser.

SO... what the heck does all of this mean?

Well, like The Blair Witch Project, the advertising and promotions for this movie were brilliant. People were frothing at the mouth for new information. As time went by, more bizarre clues and possible connections started to come out.

A 'news report' come out telling of the destruction of the Tagruato oil rig closest to the coast of New York. Tagruato released a press release blaming the situation on a terrorist attack by the group TIDO. TIDO denied it and claimed it was Tagruato that did it themselves in a cover-up. The footage from the news report is very well done and there are some 'camera phone' videos caught of the incedent that are pretty wild. To top it off, there were a number of 'newscasts' done in different langauges with different new agencies to make it more realistic.

Then the CEO of Tagruato traveled to New York. On January 17th, he was ambused by a group of TIDO protestors but managed to fight them off.

So, with all of this crazy stuff... maybe we should finally get to the movie itself?

Ok, like I promised up top, I'm going to warn people of spoilers. You can relax. I'm not quite there yet.

With all of the hype, all of the waiting and all of the crazy marketing involved, there was no way the film could live up to the high expectations I had placed on it. Right?

Right?

Wrong. The movie was, to continue to use my colorful adverb, FUCKING AWESOME.

I loved it. LOVED IT. I wasn't alone. Chrissy loved it. Every person I saw the film with loved it. It was a big hit to the crowd in the theatre.

It was as intense of a film as I have ever seen. Once the scene shown in the trailer (of the partygoers on the roof seeing the explosion at the edge of the city) happens the movie shifts into a roller-coaster ride and it never stops. Not once. At NO point do you sit back and say to yourself "ok, let's move here... please get going." You have no time to do this. There is really no slow parts, no calm down period. There is a slight point where you have a small break in the action and it lasts a few monites but it's an emotional scene and works well. You are never bored. You never have a chance to question anything cause the film just NEVER LOSES MOMENTUM. It goes faster and faster until a hell of a scene that even if you feel you know is coming is still a hell of a jolt.

Yeah there's a few 'shakey cam' moments and yeah you have to use quite the medicom of disbelief that Hud (the guy with the video camera) would actually carry the damn thing the entire time, even when doing somethings that would be awkward while holding the camera.

Who fricken cares? The film was great. So you have to take a few things with a grain of salt.

For all of those who get into the "It's not realistic that he'd carry the camera the whole time."... well... IT'S A MOVIE. Is it realistic that New York could be attacked by something unexplanable and devistaed so?

If you're going to get caught up on the negative of it being a 'home video' movie, then you will not like this film... but trust me, the format its shot in makes the movie SO MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE. If it was done as a traditional movie it would have lost a lot of it's luster and would just be another horror survival flick.

The big plus for this is that it's not from the point of view of "up above" like all movies are. There is no Army General, no scientist with answers, no President demanding facts... it's not Godzilla or King Kong or Independance Day. It's all from the point of view from the people in the streets who are directly in the path of what is happening. It's seeing the events from the ground... not from above like most movies are.

I, for one, think the entire thing is brilliant.

Ok, that was my spoiler free section of my review. Now, let's discuss a bit of the film itself. Ok, all of you have who not seen the flick but have gotten this far... GET OUT.

Go.
Shoo.
Vamoose.
Disperse.

Still there? You were warned. Don't come crying to me.

Ok, first off not only was the monster fucking cool looking, but the little 'spider' like ones in the subway just were nasty and horrifying little things.

There were six scenes that just blew my mind.

1 - The main hook from the trailer of the head of the Statue of Liberty hitting the street and rolling thrugh it before coming to a rest. Amazing.

2 - The bridge. When Jason is standing on the edge and that tenticle (or whatever it was) hits the bridge... jeez.

3 - The subway tunnel. As soon as Rob says to Hud "Doesn't that thing have night vision?" Every fricking person in the theatre had to know what was coming, and I think we all did. And we all jumped anyway. One of the most frenzied scenes I have ever seen in a movie.

4 - The scene in the makeshift hospital when they realize that Melania was bitten. "We have a bite!' someone screams. The shot of her silolutte expanding and then exploding in a mist of blood while there are screams and shouts was unreal.

5 - The helicopter crash. Terrifying, realistic and painful. Listening to Hud scream "Please God, please God, please God!" was heartwrenching. Seeing his point of view as the ground got closer and closer made my heart stop. It honestly made me feel like we were in the helicopter with them.

6 - The shot of the monster right above Hud, then it eating him. Ouch.

In the end, it was Chrissy who noticed that on the background of the last scene (when the tape kicked back to the older recording of Rob and Beth on the ferris wheel at Coney Island) that something falls from the sky into the ocean.

We all stayed through the credits. I was convinced that something would happen at the total end of the credits. I was right. A dark screen. Static. What sounds like breathing. Then someone whispers what sounds like "Help us."

Apparently that's not all it says. According to a few different websites, when the audio is played backwards it says "It's still alive."

Unbelievable. This movie was fantastic. I cannot express how much I enjoyed it. All of it... every last part. Just a great job.

The two words I keep thinking best to descibe this movie are intense and frenzied. No words better fit.

Next up: My theories.

Sick Cycle Carousel

Well it's been a few days and I feel strong enough to talk about the Mets and their historic fall from grace.

There's a lot to say... is anyone surprised?

First off, to those of you who called or emailed me about my mental and physical health on Sunday... thank you. I handled it MUCH better than I would have expected.

That in itself is a warning sign though... I got (no exaggeration) nineteen phone calls and seven emails between Sunday afternoon and Monday noontime. I guess my passion for this team is so well known by the people I have regular (or even semi-regular) contact with that everyone knew there good odds that I had a breakdown, hi-jacked a dump truck, climbed a water tower and went all Charles Whitman on central Centereach.

As I stated in previous posts, I have often taken this shit WAY too seriously... and I admit I had no less than three major meltdowns in the last two weeks of the baseball season. The night they blew two seperate three tun leads to the Marlins (including one in the bottom of the ninth) was a particuarly violent and... um... energetic outburst.

Which made me take a loooong and serious look in the mirror. In no way is a baseball game ever going to be important enough in life to elict that sort of reaction.

I actually handled the last weekend very well. At that point I realized how shot the bullpen was and that even if they had gotten into the playoffs, odds are that their pitching would not have held up enought to get very far.

So... first off, YES I am still a Mets fan... despite my black humor spouted in frustration about changing teams, there is no way this would ever happen. I bleed blue -n- orange and always will.
Second, I do NOT think this team is shot and done as presently constructed. No major overhall is needed. They do not have to rip apart the team and start with 65% new players. Changes must be made... yes. Some more drastic than others, but the main part of the should stay mostly intact. (I will get into more detail in a minute).

Third, I do not think Willie Randolph should be fired despite my insistance over the last three weeks that he should be. Getting past my initial anger... I think Willie is a good manager overall who really needs to learn how to manage a bullpen better (but hey, Joe Torre never learned and look where he's gotten the last eleven years) and he deserves a shot to lead this team next year.

This year should have never been in doubt. The team should have basically wrapped up the division back in July like they did last year. The problem was that except for the month of April and that little 12 game run or so right after the four-game sweep by Philly in Philly, there seemed to be very little urgancy to this team. They seemed to think they were so good that the division was a foregone conclusion. Well, you see what that got them. They seemed to believe their own press. Rarely is that a good thing.

The funny thing is... the Mets did not deserve to make the playoffs because of their horrible 5 -12 record down the stretch, but in reality, this team was still the best in the NL. They could/should have won 95 games or so and really could have cut through the NL Pennant rather easily.

Could've/should've. All twisted in the wind are our shattered dreams of could've/should've.

So, yeah... this team had a busload of talent... but like the teams of the eighties that finished in second place 5 out of 7 years, talent isn't enough.

As much as I freaking HATE the %#$@&^! Phillies, that team played with heart and grit and looked a LOT like last years Mets team.

That's what this year's team was missing for a huge chunk of the season. Heart and grit.

They need that back. They need to realize that you cannot turn it on and off like a switch. Maybe the Yankees of the late Nineties could, but hey... they won four freaking World Series in five years.The Mets? They have won nothing but one division and one playoff series since 2000. They have no basis acting like the top dog.

Woof, freaking woof.

The main problem with being a Mets fan (and what this season was an epitomy of) is that nasty, creeping, nagging feeling that things are about to go belly up and in the worst way possible. It's rare (ie: 1969, 1986) that a season goes just perfect. Even excellent seasons like 1988, 1999, 2000 and 2006 eneded in disapointment in the playoffs. The 1999 (which was really a better team than the 2000 squad that made it to the World Series) and 2006 teams were both great teams that really had the ability (and should have) won it all.

As a Mets fan I've fallen victim to many near misses. 1984, 1985, 1987, 1989, 1990, 1998, and 2001 all were years the Mets were right there... the playoffs in their grasp, only for it to slip away at the last moment. 1998 was particuarly bad because the Mets went into the last five games of the season leading the wild card by 1 1/2 games. They lost their final five games of the season against the Montreal Expos at home and the Atlanta Braves on the road. If they had won just ONE of those games, the Mets could have forced a three-way wild card tie. If they had won two, they would have won the wild card outright. Ironic, seeing as how the Expos became the Washington Nationals and the Nationals won 5 out of 6 games at the end of this season (while they then went and lost 4 out of 6 to the Phillies) in helping the Mets complete their collapse.

Even in 1999 the Mets almost blew it. They were swept by Philly in the last two weeks of the season and lost their wild card lead and actually needed the Brewers to take 2 of 3 from the Reds in the last weekend to finish in a tie that forced a one game playoff with Cincinnati for the wild card.

Despite this regular sick cycle of near misses and last minute disasters, I love this team. The Mets are the perpetual underdogs and always will be.

It's never easy with them. Never. Then again, either is life. Why should it be?

That's why when I hear Yankee fans bitching about firing Joe Torre and booing A-Rod and such I want to slap the shit out of them. Yankee fans have NO idea how good they have it. No team in any sport wins as much as the Yankees do. I think Yankee fans should never be allowed to bitch about their team. 26 World Championships and a shit-load of playoff appearances has spoiled their fans. It's also made many of them act like they are better than everyone else just because they follow and root for the Bronx.

Hey, it's fucking EASY to follow and root for a franchise that is always in contention and wins much more often than it loses. Staying a fan of a franchise that usually does NOT win (ie: The Mets, Cubs, and hell, even those lucky as hell Phillies) shows REAL fandom.

Ok. So... this team.

Despite things... I'm not blind. The Mets biggest problem this year was the bullpen which just plain out and out SUCKED the last six to eight weeks of the season, which was a shame because it was so damn good the first half. The inconsitancy in the offense didn't help. The manner of play without urgancy was the other largest problem.

Well, besides Willie's inability to manage the bullpen.

So... what has to change? What MUST happen for next years team to win the division again?

I have ten simple steps.

1 - Give David Wright the "C": No one, and I mean NO ONE on this team was more stand-up and professional than Wright. While guys like Glavine, Alou, Wagner and Lo Duca rarely ducked the media and were willing to give shit to team-mates who under performed or had their head up their asses, Wright was the team spokesman and backbone. He was, without any doubt, the team MVP (and would have been the NL MVP had the Mets won the division, now it will go to Jimmy Rollins or Matt Holiday... God, I hope It's Holiday... I fucking HATE Jimmy Rollins and his arrogant smirking face... I want to smack that fucking grin right off his kisser with a fastball) and he picked up the role at age 24 that guys like Carlos Beltran and Carlos Delgado should have, but never did. He led, by example on and off the field. He is the team leader. Make it offical. Number 5 should be the Mets captain.

2 - Play more small ball: This team lead the majors in steals for the second year in a row. Reyes, Gomez, Chavez, Wright, Beltran, just to name a few, have loads of speed... yes I didn't see ONE squeeze playthis year. Not ONE. Do you know how many times the Mets left runners at third with less than two outs? A lot. Get Reyes to hit the ball on the ground again like he did last year and the beginning of this year. Bunt, steal, move the runners. Create runs. This team is built for it. Imagine the '85 Cardinals just with more home run power. This team should lead the NL in runs easily.

3 - Get Tony Bernazard out of the $&$%#! clubhouse: I'm convinced that Bernazard is a huge problem and creates a gap between Wille and some players and even give some players a more direct line to the GM. He shouldn't be in there. It's Willie's show... step back and let him run it.

4 - Hire Rudy Jaramillo as the hitting coach: Rick Downs wasn't the answer and while the offense did pick up after the Hojo/Rickey show came to town, it was WAY too inconsistant. Jaramillo is the best in the business. He'd be a big key to help players from falling into those maddening cycles where they can't even do the basics like hitting a fly ball to drive in a run at third with less than two outs.

5 - Make sure Ambiorix Burgos and Duaner Sanchez are healthy by spring training: Kill the Brian Bannister trade all you want, but no one was screaming when that trade was made. In fact, many people were saying the Mets had way too many pitchers like Bannister in Maine, Perez, Pelfry, etc... I was sorry we went... I liked him... but I was also excited about the potential of Burgos in the bullpen. Burgos, Sanchez, Filiciano, Hielman and Wagner is a pretty damn good bullpen if everyone is healthy. With Sosa as a long relief guy and one more new arm (Scott Linebrink? Jeremy Affeldt? How about taking a chance on Kerry Wood?) in the bullpen I honestly believe the relief corps will be in pretty good shape.

6 - Let the following go: Tom Glavine - It's obvious he was pining for Atlanta to finish his career. He was a good guy for this team at one time but that time has passed. Let him go 8-6 with a 4.21 ERA in Atlanta and retire next year as a Brave, where he really belongs. No hard feelings here at all. Glavine stepped it up at times and was a strong presence here and often came through when the Mets needed him, but he really has no place in NY anymore. Lastings Milledge - This kid has a lot of talent and I see him eventually becoming a kind of Garret Anderson type... but he is a million dollar talent with a ten cent head. I think New York will not be right for him. Trade him to the A's for one of their pitchers or to the Dodgers for one of theirs or make him one of the peices of a blockbuster trade if possible... but I think the kid needs to go. Let Gomez be the young outfielder to play next year. Mota - No one, and I mean NO ONE will accept him in a trade. He was beyond miserable... he was a perfect disaster. All you Yankee fans who screamed at Kyle Farnsworth all year? Farnsworth was fucking Mariano Rivera compared to Mota. The Mets need to send the message that constant failure will not be tolerated. Worst performance ever. Back in 2006 I never imagined I'd be more sickened by Mota than I used to be when Mel Rojas entered a game. Rickey Henderson - Ricky was great for Roger Cedano back in '99 but did anyone else notice that Reyes' gradual decent into lethartic play started not too long after Ricky came on board? I think that Ricky actually convinced Reyes that to "save himself" for the whole season he should occasionally "rest himself" during games... basically dogging it. Next year let him in spring training for two weeks as a baserunning instructor them get him the hell away from the younger players. Paul Lo Duca - This one was the toughest to list... I love Lo Duca's manner and would actually be happy if he returned, but after thinking about it I think that it makes more sense to have Ramon Castro be the everyday catcher next year and save the money. Lo Duca is a great clubhouse guy and a great stand up player. He's a guy to emulate and thank god David Wright seemed to take after him in attitude. I love the way he approaches that game, but in the end his numbers were not really very good. Save the money for pitching and give Castro, who hit better and threw out runners better, the everyday job.

7 - Keep the following: Moises Alou - He's not an everyday player anymore but the guy was just amazing when he played. You figure he'll miss at least 40 games to the DL and another 10-15 to just needing rest. Don't count on him as a regular. Put him in the Julio Franco role of mentor, big time pinch hitter and let him start twice a week. Think Bernie Williams circa 2005. I think he'd be invaluable. El Duque - Like Alou, keep him with the though that he will NOT be the guy you lean on as one of your top four starters. In fact, I love the idea of him as the long Relief guy, but have him in the mix as one of your possible number five starters and see what happens. Like Clemens I think Duque would benefit from a short season. Don't have him on the active roster till July. Marlon Anderson - Damn did this guy come through in big spots or WHAT? The Cardinals must be kicking themsleves and wondering what the hell woke him up. He was clutch for the Mets in 2005 and again in 2007. He thrives here. Keep him. Him and Alou gives the Mets a great duo to shape the bench around.

8 - Let the kids develop and start giving them definded roles: Let Mike Pelfrey and Philip Humber know that at least one of them will be a starter next year. Let them know the other will be a bullpen guy who will be groomed to be a major bullpen arm as a set up or possibily even a future closer down the line. Let them compete in spring training and get some youth into the pitching staff. Let Carlos Gomez and Rubin Gotay play. Give Fernando Martinez some big league time. Get this freaking team younger.

9 - Change the average attitude and get some "Wright" players in here: One guy who is a free agent this upcoming year that would be perfect for the Mets? Aaron Rowand. The guy freaking OOZES hustle. This is a player in the mode of a Lenny Dykstra. I would have LOVED a guy like Eric Byrnes to still be available. Andy Pettitte would be amazing for this team (even though the odds he'd decline the player option for the Yankees for '08 and sign with the Mets is roughly somewhere less than 0%) Shannon Stewart might be a good fit. How about Tori Hunter? I know if would create another Beltran/Cameron situation with two centerfielders out there, but it's a thought.

10 - Find a way to get Johan Santana, Roy Halladay or Roy Oswalt: The rumor is that all three are available for the right price. The Rumors also saythat right price is a King's Ransom for any of them, especially Santana. I don't frigging care. If healthy, Pedro will be a legitimate Number one (ok, maybe 1 - A is a better description) for the most part, and Maine and Perez are both very solid guys who would fall in the grey area between a #2 and #3 starting pitcher. I'd plan on one of the rookies in Pelfry and Hubner being a starter... but the Mets need a huge 1 -2 punch like Santana/Pedro or Oswalt/Pedro. It would cost something like Gomez, Hubner and Fernando Martinez just to start... but you know what? It would be worth it.

BONUS FANTASY INSANE IDEA - Ok, this is a crazy and ridculous idea... but how would this be for a total shocker? Bear with me for a second:

Sign Alex Rodriguez when (and we all know he will cause of Boras) he opts out of his Yankee contact.

Insane? Yep. Stupid? Maybe not so much. Think about it.

You would do one of two things after this move.

1 - Move David Wright to 2nd base or Left Field. He's athletic. He has good instincts. He has speed. It worked great for Edgardo Alfonzo. Wright has already stated he would be more than willing to move if the Mets ever wanted to sign A-Rod. A-Rod is a better fielder at 3rd. Hell, the Yanks have won with two straight lousy fielding second basemen in Soriano and Cano (c'mon Yankee fans, you KNOW they both are HORRIBLE fielders). Wright would be better at 2nd than either of them. Imagine a line up with Reyes, Wright, A-Rod, Beltran, Delgado and Alou in it.

OR

2 - Trade Carlos Delgado and move Wright to First. A team like the Dodgers, the Reds, The Padres, The Angels, The Orioles, The Blue Jays and the Rangers all could use a major upgrade at first base. Hell, How about Delgado, Hubner, and another player plus cash to the Jays for Halladay? Far fatched? Maybe.

All crazy right? I don't even know if I like the idea and I came up with it.

But wow... that line up. OUCH.

WOO HOO.

Anyway...

Ok, enough of that for now. So...

2007 PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS (yeah I'll do it anyway, even with the Mets out of it)

Red Sox vs. Angels: Rough one. Two really good teams. Problem is, the Sox have the Angels number in the same way the Angels have the Yanks number. Staff ace John Lackey is horrible against Boston lifetime. Close call... most likely the best series of the first round. Red Sox in five.

Yankees vs. Indians: Bronx fans think this is a layup. It's not. The Cards went 2-4 against the Padres and Mets each last year and beat both in the playoffs. The Tigers didn't do overly well against the Yanks last year in the regular season and you remember what happened there. The Indians are a good team and if the Yanks overlook them they'll be sorry. The Yanks also have seriously suspect starting pitching. It's Pettitte and Wang and pray for... um... err... Pong. Clemens isn't healthy and hasn't pitched well when he's been on the mound, Mussiana is highly suspect and Hughes/Kennedy are unknown rookie quantities. However, The Yanks are the overall stronger team and the suddenly strong bullpen will help although it will be interesting to see how Chamberlain does with the Joba rules tossed out the window. Yanks in five.

Cubs vs. Diamondbacks: Wow... no one saw the D-Backs comin did they? Everyone looked at the Dodgers and Padres and ignored Arizona and everyone paid for it. Webb has established himself in a league with Oswalt and Peavy as one of the best NL pitchers. The team is solid, if unspectacular. I freaking LOVE Eric Byrnes. He could play for my team ANYDAY. However, Sweet Lou and the Cubbies have some Karma flowin and I can feel it shaking in their direction. I see some big games out of Lee and Soriano and some good pitching out of Zambrano and Lilly. Dempster holds it together, if just barely. Cubs in four.

Phillies vs. Rockies: Gad, I hate the Phillies. This should be the Mets vs the Rockies. However, even if it was, it might not have mattered. The Rockies are firing on all cylanders and the Phils aren't playing the dregs like Washington and Florida now. The Phillies starters were doing it with mirrors the last two weeks and now that's pretty much over. The offense is great with Utley, Rowand, Rollins and Howard leading the charge, but like the Mets, this team falls into little weird inconsistant slumps and Howard is as likely to strike out three times a game as he is to hit a home run. The Rockies will ride that strong wave (that saw them go 14-1 down the stretch) through this series and the Phils will realize that the smoke and mirrors magic is gone. There's no team to collapse and hand them anything this time. Rockies in four.

I'm Too Tired for This. I'm Done.

The previous post was written when the Mets still had a 7-4 lead. Over the next 15 odd minutes I watched WIllie Randolph make bad decision after bad decision. Last night's game was lost for four reasons:

1 - Feliciano was taken out after one batter. He is a strike out pitcher and the Marlins are a free swinging team. Feliciano should have been allowed to at the LEAST pitch to the next batter.

2 - After a lousy bunt attempt in the top of the 10th, Willie did not have Gomez try and steal second. Gomez has been called "the fastest runner on the Mets" more than once, but was held until there was 2 outs and 2 strikes before he was sent. He should have been stealing within the first five pitches of the Gotay's at bat.

3 - Sosa was kept in to pitch the bottom of the 10th despite having a fairly horrible ninth inning. I would have rathered have Aaron Sele pitch the 10th. Sosa didn't even get an out before surrending the winning run.

4 - The Mets continue to pitch to Cabrera. This is reaching Pat Burrell proportions. The fucking guy beats us in almost every at bat. STOP FUCKING PITCHING TO HIM.

The fun and joy I used to have for baseball has been sucked out of me. It's not just that they are losing... it's the horrible way they're playing and are managed. It's not fun and I don't know if it's going to be fun for me anymore... at least not this year. Maybe I'll feel different in a few days, but as for now I'm not following this team anymore this year. I can't. Every game feels like a fucking knife in the chest. They cannot protect a lead so watching them consistantly blow three and four run leads is a nightmare. I'm done for this year. For all I know they'll win the whole fucking thing. Hell the 2000 Yankees, 2005 White Sox and 2006 Cardinals all played HORRIBLE baseball at the end of the season and all three almost blew their leads and all three recovered to win the world series those years... so maybe that will happen for the Mets... but if it does... I can't say I'll be watching cause this just isn't fun anymore.

And when a game makes me feel the rage I felt last night, it's time to let that game go.

I Seriously Cannot Take This...

I'm starting to wonder if Willie Randolph has any clue what-so-ever on how to run a bullpen.

The Mets blew a 3 - 0 lead tonight, but managed to rally for four runs in the top of the ninth for a 7 - 4 lead. For some reason Billy Wagner is not available so Pedro Filiciano started the bottom of the ninth. He gave up a single to the first batter... and Willie pulled him.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

Why the hell did he pull one of his best relief pitchers after ONE batter?

I swear... I like Willie a lot... but he's a HORRIBLE decision maker when it comes to the bullpen. HORRIBLE.

The last week has been like a fucking nightmare. The Mets can't seem to win or even play decent and the Phillies can't lose and look like the 1998 Yankees.

God, I need to get a hypnotist to hypnotise me into not caring about baseball... These fucking Mets are going to be the death of me... seriously.

The King (Part One)

There are really only two men who I feel deserve the nickname "The King". One is Elvis Presley. The other is Jack Kirby.



Jack Kirby is famous thanks to his amazing contributions to the world of comic books. Kirby helped create Captain America, The Fantasic Four, The Hulk, The X-Men, The Silver Surfer, Dr Doom, Galactus and the Black Panther. He created, all on his own, The New Gods, Mr Miracle and Big Barda, The Forever People, Kamandi, Omac, The Demon and Darkseid.

I honestly think that without him, the rich history and culture of the comic book world would have never survived to become the huge blockbuster industry it is today. For all of the credit Stan Lee gets for creating a juggernaut with Marvel Comics, he couldn't have done it at all without Kirby.

Endless amounts of books, essays and accounts of Kirbby's life have been written. I'm really not going tobe able to add much more than the tremedous accounts written about him. All I want to do here is pay tribute to a great talent that should be remembered and respected. I'll start off with a (semi) brief history of his comic career, and then get into the stuff I really enjoyed the most from him.

Jack Kirby was born in 1917 with the name Jacob Kurtzberg and raised in The Bowery in New York. He grew up in poverty and his ticket out of the slums was his drawing ability. In 1935 he got a job with Max Fleischer Studios working on animated cartoons. He did that for about two years and in 1937 he began drawing comic strips and single-panel cartoons for a small newspaper syndicate called The Lincoln News.

At twenty years old Kirby was already outputting a large amount of work and he managed to use some different styles and use different pen names on about a half a dozen different features. Some of those features were reprinted in the comic book market, and Kirby found a new world waiting for him. Some of his work found it';s way to Fox Comics.

At Fox Comics, Kirby met a freelance writer and artist by the name of Joe Simon. The two hit it off well and started producing work together. Simon started out doing the layouts of their work together with Kirby doing the finishing, but Kirby was so much faster and seemed to understand the way comic books worked a little more, and down the line he started doing the layouts with Simon finishing.

The two worked on a number of things before hitting it big with Captain Amercia, a character they created for Timely (ie Marvel Comics) Comics in 1941.



Captian Amercia has a HUGE hit and helped Kirby and Simon to get work over at DC Comics creating The Boy Commandos.

Not long after that, he was drafted into World War II and spent the war as a soldier.

Coming in Part Two: Jack's work following the war, and the creation of some characters that went beyond anything Jack could every have imagined.

Vote for Pedro

He's got skills... you know... nunchuck skills, computer skills, pitching skills...

Pedro looked very good today. Would have looked even better had Alou not misplaced that ball in the first inning into a double... but no matter...

So... he looked very good and retired nine in a row at one point. Obviously not like the "old" Pedro... but that Pdero is gone. I'll take the 2005 version quite happily thank you.

Phillies lost again. The lead is back up to five. Only 24 games left which makes the Mets magic number eighteen. Yes, it's the first week in september... time to start figuring out magic numbers.

Crisis averted. I figure the Mets should be able to go about 16 - 8 in their last 24 games, which would give them 93 wins. They have three left with the Braves and three left with the Phillies, but also have 13 games with the Marlins and Nationals.

Hopefully Orlando Hernandez is going to be fine... add in a healthy Pedro and I like the rotation going into the playoffs.

SWEEPING SUCCESS IN THE HOUSE OF HORRORS


...aaaaaaaaand that's three.

Wagner made it a little interesting, but held up a great performance by Glavine, and another clutch hit from David Wright.


Way for the Mets to take advantage of a miscue by Braves shortstop Escobar to let Jose Reyes get on base on what should have been an out. Wright hit a home run two batters later and that was the difference in the game.

Nice. I said it all last year and I will say it again. I love David Wright and I don't care who knows it.

Big... BIG strike out of Texiera by Heilman in the 8th. I STILL think that if Heilman pitchesd the 8th inning of thursday's game the Mets win and they would be 6 up on The Phils instead of four.


So, after being just totally smacked by the Phils, the Mets played a unreal three games in Atlanta. I'm really thinking at this point that the four game sweep forced this team to take a long look at themselves and realize it was time to pick up thepace.


The Braves and Phillies now will face each other in Atlanta for three games. This is good. The Phillies can pretty much knock the Braves out of the playoff picture overall with a sweep. The Braves could serverly damge the Phils chances with a sweep. In the end, I'd like to see the Braves win 2 out of 3 and hope the Mets take 2 of 3 from the Reds. That would basically put the phillies 6 games out and the Braves 6 1/2 games out and pretty much make the magic number about 18.

So, I surevived the weekend and the Mets righted a seriously shakey ship. Good job all around.

That's Two...

Just a couple of quick comments about yesterday's game.

I said to my son Tyler yesterday early afternoon that Mike Pelfry was going to take a no-hitter into the 7th, and eventually throw eight innings of 2-hit shutout ball enroute to a 4-0 Mets win.

As Ty walked away feeling happy at that though, my oldest, Pat, asked me "Wow, you really think so?"

I said "No freaking way. I'd be estatic with 5 2/3 of 3-run ball. The Mets should've brought up Hubner or let Sosa make the start. Pelfry's most likely gonna get smacked."

Good thing I don;t make those decisions for the Mets huh?

So my "faux" prediction was almost right on target, but in relaity it was wishfuly thinking that I really didn't believe.

Pelfry was awesome. Six innings, one run. Seven strikeouts. One hit. Took a no -hitter into the 4th actually.

Mets hit well, fielded well, pitched fantastically and would have scored even more runs but had some baserunning blunders.

The Phillies lost last night and now trail the MEts by 3. The Braves were pushed back to 6 1/2 games out.

Like I said yesterday, I'd actually almost feel that being swept by the Phils would be worth it if it lead to the Mets sweeping Atlanta IN Atlanta.

Maybe this past week was a wake up call, cause the Mets have played so good and crisp the last two days that perhaps they finally realized it's time to flip that switch.

Nice job guys. Now please... show a little killer instinct and complete the sweep.

Two down... one to go.

Thank God.

One down, two to go.

I broke my own promise to myself, but I also realized that there was no possible way I'd be able to avoid all mentions of the score to each mets game for the entire weekend.

I managed to keep myself from the game until it was the top of the 8th. At that point the Mets were up 4-1 enroute to a 7-1 victory.

Didn't see most of the game so it's hard to comment. The bullpen looked sharp in the two innings I saw. The annoucers praised Maine and said he looked the best he's looked since early July. Delgado hit a home run. Yay.

Gotta win one more this weekend... and if they can somehow sweep, it would be huge. I'd almost say it would be worth the four ganme sweep in Philly if they could sweep the Braves this weekend.

But I'd be shocked. This is, for whatever reason, the house of horrors for the Mets.

Phillies won also. marlins look pretty bad these days. They MIGHT be able to take one game from the Phils. I hope they can.

What Teh H3LL?

Ok, I'm a fairly easy-going guy. I'm not against anyone doing their own little thing. To each his own I always say.

However, sometimes people just take things too frickin far... and there are times that people need a good kick in the pants.

Front or back.

Anyway... over the last... oh I don't know... two years or so, I've noticed a lot of internet posts on message boards or bloggers who seem to type in a... different form of languge.

Now I'm not talking about a different form of lanague like spanish or german or what not.

I'm talking about using numbers in place of letters or misspelling words on purpose or putting capitals in weird place (lIKe tHis).

At foirst I just figured it was just a matter of people not really being able to type well, and that they were too lazy to actually edit their own wrting.

Since then I've come to understand that there is an "internet languge". This "new" form of writing is called LEET SPEAK. You could call it slang or you could call it an argot.

Or you could call it idiotic.

So from what I have come to understand, "Leet" is an other way of using the term "Elite", which in itself is how hackers and computer experts (ie: Tech Geeks) like to describe themselves to the internet as a whole. Of course, this was before AOL and Optium Online let every single person with $200 and a 14.4 modum (and eventually cable modums) onto the internet. In just a few weeks, anyone who could figure out little HTML cheat sheets and had inenvertedly sent along a virus started seeing themselves as master hackers. It didn't help that Hollywood started making the Hacker seem like the "cool" side of being a Tech Geek. Suddenly Millions of kids were drinking Mountian Dew and clacking away at their keyboards looking to be the next hot new internet famous hacker.

So, these so called "master hackers" started coming up with ways to talk to each other online that would be in a "secret code" that only other master hackers would be able to reconize.

This system of writing would confound and confuse "normal schulbs" who were not "master hackers". be a secret master hacker code that only the "elite" could decypher.

And it was. For about Six and a half days.

We got "The" turned into "teh" (which a lot of people I know do anyway 'cause they can't type for shit). "Cool" became "Kewl", "Super" was "supar","Lover" became "lovr", "Software" became "Warez" ... and so on and so on.

Letters would be substituted by numbers and symbols. "a" could be "@", "B" could be "8"... you get the idea.

Hell, even "leet" which was already a term for "elite" was seen as "l33t" or "1337".

It didn't take people too long to figure out thing s like the number "3" stood for the letter "E". I mean, it's like a reversed "E" for pete's sake.. and it's RIGHT ON TOP of the friggin "E" on the keyboard. The stupid ampersand "@" still LOOKS LIKE AN "a" DAMMIT.

Like any friggin MORON couldn't figure out the "ur" is "you are".

What I want to know is, if these "master hackers" are so elite, WHY THE HELL CAN'T THEY FUCKING SPELL OR SPEAK THE ENGLISH LANGUGE?

"Elite" means to be the best of the best. The cream of the crop. To pretty much be better than EVERONE.

I fail to see how some moron who can't type the words "the" or "cool" is so fucking SUPERIOR.

IT'S FUCKING "COOL" OK? COOL! COOL, COOL, COOL! NOT "KEWL"! LEARN TO FUCKING TYPE LIKE A HUMAN BEING OR YOU SHOULD BE BEATEN TO DEATH WITH YOUR @W3SOME KEYBOARD!

No wonder eveyone thinks kids are stupid. They go online and see this MORON speak and thinks its the new wave of the "kewl" generation.

Well I have one thing to say about that.

STOP IT.

Doing things incorrectly on purpose is not ELITE. IT'S FUCKING STUPID.

GodDAMN I think everyone on earth should have to take a test once a year. The test should be made up of a mixture of intelligence, social, historical, common sense, culture, and your ability to be a productive member of society. If you pass this teat, you get a badge and a little card. You get to use this badge to get into a secret location that only people who pass the test are told about. Then you turn in the card at thhis location and you are given a TANK.

Yes, a tank. An armored vehicle with guns on it.

THEN, you get to drive the tank out into the streets. You are now allowed to RUN OVER ANYONE WHO'S NOT IN A TANK.

You see, anyone out on the street WITHOUT the tank, OBVIOUSLY failed the test. (Or were too slow to get to the hidden location and they's BEST get their asses indoors cause as a person who passed the test, they know what's coming).

You have say... eight hours with the Tank. Then you have to return it.

This would greatly reduce the number of MORONS in the world.

Children under the age of... say 18... don't take the test. Adults over the age of... say.... 60 don't either. If they're stupid but managed to get to be over 60, they get a pass anyhow.

Everyone else... WATCH OUT.

Why? Cause I'd have a TANK.

Why should they be scared?

You guessed it. Them? NO TANK.

Yes, I'm assuming I would pass the test. To tell you the truth, the test would be slated so only the REALLY moronic people would fail.

And in the end, they STILL could stay off the streets. Thus, they wouldn't get run over by a tank.

You see, going on the street without a tank is the final chance to pass the test if you failed. If you goout, you are so dumb you really need to be removed.

Wow. This spirialed a tad out of control

See what happens when the Mets play like shit? I get all cranky.

Of course, if I had my TANK I wouldn't care. Drive RIGHT OVER the entire Phillies team!

*sigh*


Where was I ?

Oh yeah.

"Leet" speakers. CUT IT OUT.

NOW.

You've been warned.

I Don't Wanna Talk About it...

I honestly don't think I have gotten as angry in the last three years at a baseball game as I did yesterday.

I seriously lost it.

I can't even talk about it.

What the hell was Willie thinking using Wagner for a 6 out save? As it was he sat four of his starters... the game started out with no urgancy and then became a total panic job in the 8th.

Hielman should have pitched the 8th. Wagner the 9th. I honestly think we could have gotten through with a win if that had happened.

Instead, this week has been a total disaster. Anything... ANYTHING less than winning 2 out of 3 in atlanta will mean that odds are the Mets will be in 2nd place come monday morning.

After holding a 7 game lead less than opne week ago. Pathetic.

And I see the Red Sox and the rest of the AL is holding their annual choke session. No matter how well the Yankees have played the last two months, the ONLY way they could have gotten back into the playoff picture was for the Red Sox, Indians, Tigers, A's and Mariners too ALL play under .450 ball, which was basically UNHEARD OF. And what happens? EVERY ONE OF THOSE TEAMS HAVE PLAYED UNDER. 450 SINCE.

Jesus.

I'm actually sick over this. Unreal.

I need therapy. I MUST find a way to avoid baseball this weekend. I'd arther find out Monday morning what happened over the next three games. Even if they win, the stress of the games has sucked the fun out of it.

The problem is, the Mets have shown almost NO urgancy this entire season... they've strutted around like the king shits of the league because they held 1st place since day one. The thing is... this team hasn't won ANYTHING yet, and has no right to play the way they have. Outside of Reyes and Wright.. the rest of the team looks like they're waiting for the playoffs to "flip the switch"

This isn;t the '99 Yankess... this team can't play that way. They still have a LOT to prove.

Dammit. I said I didn't wanna talk about it.

Argh.

No Runs, No Luck, No Sense...



Ouch.

That's all I can say after last night's Mets/Phillies game.

The Phillies have won TWO games now that they had no business winning. The Mets can't get out of their own way... and the bizarre interferance call that erased the tying run in the 9th was brutal. Tough to say if the call was fair. I'm obviously biased but I did not think Anderson was out of the basepath.

Right now this team is lying down and letting three straight barely average pitchers DOMINATE them. The Phillies starters outside of Cole Hammels (who is on the DL) is a joke. Their bullpen outside of Brett Myers and MAYBE Flash Gordan is a joke.

Yet the Mets haven't really scored any runs in three games.

Today's game now becomes a MUST win. To be seven games up less than a week ago and see that number reduced to two if they lose tonight might be something the team cannot recover from, especially since they have to go into Atlanta where them never seem to play well and where the Braves have completely shuffled their picthing rotation so that Smoltz and Hudson (two pitchers who have pretty much killed the Mets all year) will face them.

It's gut-check time guys. No screwing around. Win this afternoon and two out of three in Atlanta and the Crisis is averted. Lose tonight and lose two out of three in atlanta and things are in full crisis mode.

No more reteric. Just win.

JOHN ROMITA, JR. RETURNS TO "AMAZING SPIDER-MAN" IN 2008

According to Comic Book Resources, John Romita, Jr will be returning to pencil the book that has made him a comic-household name. CBR News also confirmed that Dan Slott will be the writer Romita will be working with on “Amazing Spider-Man.” Additionally, Romita was able to reveal that his inker on “Amazing” is a long time friend and frequent collaborator. “Klaus Janson is the man,” Romita stated.

Cool.

I frigging LOVE Romita (loved his dad too).

There is always something comforting about a Romita doing the artwork on a Spider-Man book.

Now, if only Joe Quesada can be barred from making any editorial decisions involving Spider-Man altogether. Gad I cannot stand him.

What the Heck?

Oh God... I know the Mets signed Guillermo Mota to a two year deal. I know they have a lot invested in him.

I also know that the man hasn't been REMOTELY decent this year.

Last night really needs to be the last straw. Please, PLEASE Willie... demote Mota to mop up duty, bring Joe Smith back up and STOP misusing the bullpen like a very Joe Torre like manner.

Last night's 4-2 loss was bad... one of the worst losses the Mets have had this year. The problem lies with the team's inability to smack around two average, if not below average pitchers in Adam Eaton and J.D. Durbin, as well as Mota's inability to string together a few good appearances.

i'm not about to jump off a bridge or anything... I'm not panicking but jeez... they have to twin the next two here and win 2 of 3 from the Braves and knock both teams out of the rear view mirror for good.

The Utter Decline of Modern Civilization and Sense

The following is information on the FCC's new Policy for Public Radio and Television broadcasting. My own personal comments will follow each various part in bold/Italic.

So, this past week, the FCC notified broadcasters that fines for indecent material would be increased up to ten times.

Up to ten times. TEN TIMES! That's a lot. That's like upping the cost of an ice cream push up from $1.00 to $11.00.

I don't know why I made that comparision. I just like Ice Cream push-ups.

The legislation passed the House 379-35 on Wednesday after moving through the Senate last month on a voice vote. Before this "bump", the maximum fine for so-called "indecency: was $32,500 per violation. With the increase, a single fine can now be as high as $325,000.

Three Hundred Twenty Five Thousand dollars.

For a spoken word(s). For some pictures.

Imagine if it was for something that really... ya know... HURT someone?

This penalty does not apply to cable broadcasts or to satellite broadcasts, so HBO, SHOWTIME and Howard Stern are safe.

... for now.

However, you notice... as before, the FCC has neglected to specify just what "indecent" is defined as.

According to the AP, President Bush welcomed the passage of the Broadcast Decency Enforcement Act and promised to sign it into law. He was quoted as saying: "I believe that government has a responsibility to help strengthen families.This legislation will make television and radio more family friendly by allowing the FCC to impose stiffer fines on broadcasters who air obscene or indecent programming."

Translation? "I believe that since I have managed to screw up so many things in this country in my two terms I wanted to go for even more long-reaching effects by forcing my beliefs upon you all. Don't like it? Well, next time try becoming a rich, white, privledged, born with a silver spoon in your mouth. good for nothing. Then YOU can do whatever YOU want! We need more Howdy Doody on the airwaves instead of Black Women ripping off their clothing at football games! Heh. I said Doody. That's funny stuff. Anyway, who cares about inflation, and the impossible to handle gas prices, and the out of control health care system? THIS IS WHERE THE ISSUE IS PEOPLE!"

You know... Janet Jackson's partly exposed breast didn't offend me. $3.41 for a gallon of gas... now THAT offends me.

The approval of this bill culminates a two-year drive to crack-down on "sexually explicit material" and "offensive language" on public radio and television following the Janet Jackson infamous "wardrobe malfunction" during halftime of the 2004 Super Bowl.

My question is this. Almost every time George Bush, Condoleezza Rice, Dick Cheney, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfey, Bill Maher and the entire cast of The View open their mouths, I'm offended. To me, that translates as what they say is Offensive. So... where is MY voice in all of this? How am *I* being protected? Can't anyone shut these idiots up?

L. Brent Bozell, President of the Parents Televison Council of People Looking to Determine What's Best for Your Kids Whether You Agree or Not (Ok, I made that last part up), remarked: "The FCC will now have the authority to impose meaningful, punitive fines when the indecency law is broken. We hope that the hefty fines will cause the multibillion-dollar broadcast networks finally to take the law seriously."

Translation? "The FCC now has an even larger platform to overstep the bounderies of which it was created for by now being able to slap down senseless penaties upon broadcasters so that the airwaves can be shaped into something that would make the Smurfs seem like child porn. I mean, look at those little blue bodies anyway... half naked... never wearing shirts... all those males and only one female? I know what's going on there at night... dirty little blueskins. Sweaty little, nasty blueskins all sweaty and nasty and sweaty and working those nasty little parts... oh yeah... nasty... work it... work it... you like that don't ya? errr... I mean... and furthermore, these penalties, despite the fact we have yet to define them at all, leaving all broadcasters completely in the dark to what actually constatutes an infraction, will help us drag the public, kicking and screaming, into a world that *we* determine is proper. Sieg Heil!"

Wow. Amazing what a little translation can do. Be afriad. Be very afriad.

"This is a victory for children and families," said Senate sponsor Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kan. The higher fines were needed, he said, "in a world saturated with violent and explicit media."

So... um.. exactly WHAT familes is this a victory for? Not *my* family. Not *my* children. Is it a victory for Senator Brownback's family? I guess it is. Look how happy *he* seems to be. Then again, he must need some excitment... Glen Miller radio broadcats and Little Orphan Annie serials can only take up *so* much of his free time.

Under FCC rules and federal law, radio and over-the-air television stations may not air obscene material at any time, and may not air indecent material between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. when children are more likely to be in the audience.

Yeah... like my Children are up at 6 AM listening to the radio and waiting with baited breath for someone to utter the word "boobies". I'm kinda wondering... why aren't these "children" in bed at 6 am? Why aren't they in school by 9 am through 3 pm? Why aren't they in bed by 8:30 PM or so? Just what the hell are these kids doing to be able to avoid all of these things? Damn... when I was a kid I had NO freedom compared to these kids listening to the radio and watching TV non-stop between 6 AM and 10 PM. What a life kids live today.

The FCC says indecent material is that which contains sexual or excretory material that does not rise to the level of obscenity.

Translation. "ANYTHING WE WANT IT TO BE... bitch."

The legislation, while facing little resistance in Congress, had detractors warning of problems in defining what is indecent and of the erosion of First Amendment rights.

"What is at stake here is freedom of speech and whether it will be nibbled to death by election-minded politicians and self-righteous pietists," Rep. Gary Ackerman, D-N.Y (or in other words... ONE OF THE ONLY SANE MEN IN THE ROOM), said in a statement. He recalled how after the Super Bowl incident, numerous ABC affiliates refused to air the acclaimed war movie "Saving Private Ryan" because of its rough language.

This is a perfect example. God Bless Gary Ackerman.

Without having the slightest idea of what constitues "indecent", the broadcasters are forced to err WAY on the better side of caution. Thus, cutting their own legs out from under them. What if I told you I could go and find "indecent" parts of the simplest of things like SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE, TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, AND THE FAIRLY ODD PARENTS? I could you know. It's all there. At what point is the line even drawn? The FCC has the ability to go and wait three months and then fine someone for commiting a "violation" every day for that three month period and charging MILLIONS of dollars in fines that could cripple any broadcasting station... and in the end, the broadcasters hadn't the SLIGHTEST idea that they were anywhere NEAR commiting a violation. For God's sake.... this is as unconstituitonal as is gets people.

The FCC has also actively responded to the increase in complaints about lewd material over the airwaves, with total fines jumping from $440,000 in 2003 to almost $8 million in 2004.

So are we to believe that the airwaves suddenly became more "lewd" in one year? Or should we gather from that information that the FCC is jst getting totally out of control? It would be interesting to see just WHO the complaints came from and what areas they originate from.

The agency recently handed down its biggest fine, $3.3 million, against more than 100 CBS affiliates that aired an episode of the series "Without a Trace" that simulated an orgy scene. That fine is now under review.

Notice that no actual sex or nudity was shown and that the show, which is clearly NOT a show for Children, was aired at 10 PM which is not only outside of the 6 AM to 10 PM timeframe dictated by the FCC, but is also a time that any decent parent would make sure their young child (say up to 14 years old) WAS IN BED! I have a great idea. How about you fine the parents of the kids that were exposed to these shows?

Listen. I'm a parent and I worry a lot about what my kids see, hear and experiance. However, I refuse to allow someone else to choose for me what they will be exposed to. It is up to me to raise my children right so they can learn to filter out the bad shit from the good stuff. No one else has the right to make that determination. No one. Just to be safe... I have copies of CATCHER IN THE RYE, LORD OF THE FLIES, A CLOCKWORK ORANGE and other various books on hand to have my children read when they get older. There's no telling how many of these books will be "indecent" once they get of age, and I have every intention of letting them make up their OWN minds on this sort of material.

As for people like George Bush, Sen. Sam Brownback, L. Brent Bozell, American Family Association founder Don Wildmon, FCC head Honcho Kevin Martin and the other people who want to deterimine what we should be allowed to watch and listen to (and eventually read and see on the internet). I have to say... I choose not to drink your milk... you bunch of Book Burning Nazi Cows.